The difference between men and women in a marriage is vast when it comes to the big picture, the one that if a drone was hovering over the household it would show the dynamic of the interactions between the two partners. What we see in our sessions both mediation and counseling is the frustration that some of the partners have with each other and the pace of each partner and the philosophy of each partner and it goes on and on. By the time relationships hit the wall there has been much disappointment in the way each have developed themselves into a complacent pattern.
The funny part is, is that most likely the man who has become more of the complacent one is the happier one. If there is no conflict, and sex is reasonable and frequent enough it is fair to say he is happy. On the other hand when the woman is complacent something is tugging at her. She is restless, she is bored she starts to examine what her life is all about. She looks over at her husband who is gleefully content on the couch, maybe playing with a kid, or a video game ( AGH) or maybe folding laundry that she has put along side of him on the couch an hour ago, and she thinks to herself, “Is this all there is?” and needs a drink. He is on the couch happy as a lark, doesn’t mind folding the laundry as long as he is watching his show, the kid may be tugging at him to play the video game, but all in all he looks around at his life and thinks, “Yeah this is all good”. If the relationship isn’t in conflict then as far as he is concerned the marriage is working great.
If the relationship isn’t about focusing on all that could be better she is happy, unfortunately, most of the time, there is a problem brewing inside. She wants more, she wants to see change, growth, purpose and plan. No ‘Ho hum’ for her, she Is antsy and there slowly creeps in the disillusionment that begins to dissect and infiltrate the once harmonious union.
Women rear children with a purpose as men do too. Women tend to believe they need to see the change happening and not wait until it reveals itself way down the road. Women need more spontaneity in the daily life of the family while still maintaining continuity. It’s a complicated system and there are no easy answers. But to stay one step ahead and be aware of the dynamics between the male and female will certainly keep the demon of divorce at bay.
Please Contact us for a FREE consultation to discuss how your marriage can be the best it possibly can.
Read about what Dana and Don say about relationships in their book, Conscious Coupling.