Have you ever wondered “Are you in an abusive marriage?
Married for years doesn’t mean you are tolerant of your spouse’s behavior, but it might mean you have been worn down.
Some of the signs besides the obvious ones, such as controlling, wants to know where you are and where you are going. He puts down your friends and family, he criticizes your ideas and maybe your appearance. Anytime you feel a hit to the gut and disrespected that means you are in a relationship that is one-sided and there is an injustice to you.
Other signs may be, physical and sexual violence, threats and instilling fear, verbal abuse, degradation and humiliation. There might be behavior toward the children such as chronic emotional manipulation, maybe he puts you down in front of the children, therefore the children question your integrity and character. He reduces you to a peon in their eyes. He undermines your authority, may interfere with your right to take care of your children. Is there physical injury? Slapping, pushing, shoving, finger in your face?
The abuser can favor one child over their sibling as he builds his ally.
I use “he” because studies prove that most perpetrators are men.
Abusers will indoctrinate, “teaches them to blame the mother”, “teaches them to blame the siblings”, Teaches them to blame themselves,” Teaches them that he is not responsible for his actions (the children, friends and family adopt his excuses)”
I you question of these statements above, please refer to expert Lundy Bancroft. He has written books to help women recognize their abusers, what to do about it, and then once out of the relationship, how to heal from it.
His book is “ Why Does he Do That?” It is the best book on the market when it comes to understanding the perpetrator. Know that you are not a alone and there is more help than you may realize.
If you are in an abusive relationship and you need assistance please Contact us at The Mediation and Family Counseling Group www.mediationandcounseling.com and we will find the best resource for you in your area.