In some cases it can be dangerous to leave , this doesn’t stop the abuse, it may even increase it. So leaving isn’t the best solution. For now.
Often you hear about the perpetrator abducting the children, this is very real. Should you feel there is a danger to this, make sure that you have the children’s passports, or any identification to show the police and also so your spouse cannot leave the country.
There are extreme cases when the abuser may commit homicide and actually kill the children and himself. It is very important that you alert the schools and friends that in any case that the abusing spouse shows up to pick up the children that they have strict rules that no matter what he is not to take them.
If you leave or try to leave the likelihood of him stalking or having you stalked adds to his belief that you are his possession. Alert the police or go to the police for a stay away order. These don’t always stop an abuser but depending on how severe his behavior is, if he is logical he knows he will end up in jail.
The way to remove yourself from this very frightening situation is to build a support group around you. Often times friends and family and do not believe that he is all that you claim him to be. This is because perpetrators can be very slick and charming and only abusive to his spouse, and in private. It’s it imperative that you reach out to those people who understand this abuse and may have been in it themselves once or now in it. Reach out to a therapist, and other professionals and let them know you are at risk and so are your children.
In time you will be able to separate legally from him, but starting a process abruptly can trigger him.
Please know that there is no shame in exposing yourself to the fact that you are living with an abuser. Victims of domestic violence are women from all walks of life. Highly educated to on-educated, professionals, non professionals, wealthy, poor, good family of origins and not as good. This is not your fault or doing. Perpetrators seek a personality trait that allows them to manipulate you and all you believed you were doing was “Loving This Man”. His love for you is not healthy love and therefore don’t kid yourself that this will stop. There are batterer groups but many of them fail because the batterer doesn’t see his behavior as wrong.