You know you want a divorce, your marriage has been broken for years and the children are learning what it’s like to be in a relationship and this is becoming their norm. However, you want the children to understand what it’s like to be in a healthy and loving relationship, but you can’t seem to move forward because you’re not sure what steps to take or are afraid of making a mistake.
You ahve heard about Divorce Mediation but not sure how to get started or you may be hearing about things that other people have said and you are not sure if that will work for you.
Sometimes the first thing people hear about if that you need to get a divorce attorney.
When doing divorce mediation, you do not have to have an attorney and if you do decide to get an attorney, make sure you get an attorney that works in a collaborative way and not an adversarial way. Some attorneys will have you file a divorce action and immediately start the process in court. Divorce does not have to bring you to court at all. Yes a judge has to sign off on the process for you to be officially divorced, but you do not ever have to step into the courthouse.
We do not communicate
You are in the process of getting divorced. It is very likely that you cannot communicate properly with each other and you are not getting along. That is not a reason to skip the process of Divorce Mediation. Hundreds of couples divorce using the mediation process all the time and all of them have issues with getting along and not communicating in a way that makes sense with each other. The mediator will help referee the communication between the two of you and get things moving.
A divorce action needs to be started
Some people may say that you have to file a divorce action with the courts before you start any divorcing process. This is not true. While a divorce action may protect you in some way, sometime it creates even another barrier to working our the divorce in an amicable way because serving your spouse with papers can be extremely frustrating and may make that person angry. The divorce action is usually filed after the separation agreement is finalized.
My spouse will never agree or compromise on anything
You would be surprised how many couples are able to work through things in an amicable way. When a mediator is involved and things are discussed in a logical, reasonable and sensible manner, there are agreements made. It may not be the agreement you were hoping for, but it will be an agreement that the both of you can live with. Sometimes there are creative solutions that help both parties win and sometimes it becomes a compromise that you both lose. It depends on the situation, but know that the mediator is working towards an agreement that works for both of you and your children, if there are any.
My spouse does not want the divorce
There is usually one spouse that makes the decision to divorce. The other spouse may frantically try to make things better or look better just to save the marriage. You may be in a place where you are done and you know it can never be better and you may have moved on altogether. It’s important that you give your spouse time to get to a place that you are. In order for a good negotiation to take place between the two of you time needs to pass and the stages of grief need to be started. You may need to think about counseling to help your partner come along in the process. We also have a Marriage Analysis program to help both of you know if you can make it work or if it will never work.
My spouse is not emotionally ready for the divorce
Again, the same holds true as before. If your spouse is not emotionally ready, the negotiations will be difficult. When starting a divorce action in court, the reason why litigation can take years is because one spouse is not emotionally ready and the fighting begins in court. That’s where they take their battle. At the Mediation and Family Counseling Group, there is always a divorce coach in the room to keep the emotions to a minimum and help both parties move ahead. There is also a Divorce Financial Analyst to help calm the fears about the money post divore. The divorce coach will help both spouses from an emotional perpsective to keep things moving.
Don’t put off mediation if you absolutely know for sure that divorce is the right next step for you. Contact us for a FREE consultation to see what is the next best step for you and your spouse. Be happy again. Whether that is staying together and improving your marriage or whether that means divorcing.