How Do I Get My Spouse To Mediate The Divorce?

We are consistently asked the question as to how do I get my spouse to the table to mediate the divorce.  The spouse knows using lawyers and going the litigation route is expensive and thinks they can do it in a more amicable way.  The trouble is that the other spouse is not cooperating and will not make a move.  So what do you do when faced with this difficult scenario.

The one thing I can say is that this is definitely a difficult situation and can be handled various different ways.  However, I will start with ways that I think you should not do.  One way that some lawyers promote is to file for an order of protection to get the spouse out of the house.  This can be for abuse in some way.  The dangerous part is that they tell you to make up a story about how the person was drunk one day and you were afraid for your life or one day your spouse hit you.  This is dangerous in two ways.  You end up watering down the whole domestic violence cause and effort.  The courts now sign any and all orders of protection because they are afraid of anything really happening.  However the more this happens, the more likely that the laws will change to stop it from becoming so easy or even worse, a major fine or imprisonment for all those that are false accusers.  Don’t get caught up in this lie because you can not easily get out of it.  The other reason not to do this is that you may forever damage your relationship with your spouse and even though you may be angry, hurt and betrayed, you want to try to improve the relationship after the divorce, especially when there are children.

Another bad way is to file for divorce and then file a motion to have your spouse removed from the property.  If you think your spouse is not cooperating now, imagine what it would be like to be served a motion to be forced out of the house.

From the perspective of the other spouse, you have to understand that you are much further along than the other spouse in terms of the separation.  You are just making that person aware of the situation you are in and what you are feeling.  The other spouse needs to be able to process what you are saying.  Allow this time to occur.  One thing you may want to do is to write up an agreement that would be fair to the both of you and then have it available for the other spouse to sign.  This tells the spouse that it was worth your effort to put this together and you are serious about separating.  You may also attend marriage counseling sessions to help your spouse understand that the love is not there anymore.  Do not do this to give false hope of getting together but as a goal of separating in an amicable way.

Please Contact us for a FREE consultation to help you with your divorce or to help you make the decision to stay or go.  We will help give you the information you need to help you determine the next steps that are right for you..

 Dana and Don, are co-founders of The Mediation and Family Counseling Group.   We can be reached at, or 1-888-281-2725.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Conscious Coupling Services