Many couples start their relationship with both partners working, often times this is how people meet or at least talk about at the onset of their relationship. You are both in your late twenties or early 30’s. Most likely you both have jobs. Hopefully. Or some of you may be in school, such as professional schools, or on your way towards your goal. This stage in a person’s life is considered the INDUSTRIAL YEARS. It’s when the couple is working toward establishing themselves as professionals, earning an income and managing their responsibilities.
When a couple marries and decides to have children during this phase, as most women feel they want to have children in their 30’s and don’t want to miss the opportunity of having a family. Which is part of the INDUSTRIAL stage of their life. Rearing children is a full time job in itself. The care and commitment, resources, and strategies in raising a child is not so off from committing to a career outside the home.
How to make your marriage work and last? This question is being asked more and more because we are living longer and we expect our partner to help us with our wants and needs. However, when the marriage doesn’t work after 6 or so years (Gottman predicts early divorce within 6 years and later divorce after 16 years) If the marriage ends in early divorce, it is now the dilemma that the mother who has been “working” in the home, focused on her job as a mother with all the organizational skills needed and maintained 7 days a week without a day off, is now expected to add another job to the daily schedule which will take her outside the home. This can cause much anxiety for mom as she takes her fulltime job very seriously and really loves what’s she does.
The unfortunate reality is raising children doesn’t provide an income. What should a woman do to protect herself? One way is maintain the skills you had before you had children and if you weren’t so happy with the job or the career track you were on before the children then you owe it to yourself, while the children are young to go back and learn new skills. The truth is. Divorce is at its highest and alimony is almost non-existent, or at least limited more than it once was. This is because women are able to have careers and jobs and education, more so than in the 5o’s and before.
Taking care of children is a full load, but better to protect yourself and add a few courses that you can even learn on line. The key to making a marriage work is maintaining your sense of self and self-sufficiency.
Please contact us for a FREE consultation about our marriage analysis program to see if you have what it takes to stay together