When we are dating and enjoying the idea of getting to know our partner we first turn a blind eye to some of the flags. We want to ignore them but everything else is so great and we don’t want to ruin it with reminders or information that may turn us off. However, these marital red flags don’t go away and its important to address them and measure the ability to tolerate them or accept the truth and know you can not live with these particular issues and consider that the relationship may not have the permanency as you had hoped. Sad as it is, because many areas of the relationship was so satisfying.
The issues I am referring to are the past wounds that many of us come into relationships with. Getting to know your partner’s early childhood traumas, his or her disappointments, the abandonments, the rejection, criticism, and some even worse the injustice such as child invasion like incest or family member who may have molested your partner as a young child. These are serious wounds and the suggestion is to make sure that these dark spots on a persons heart leave scars. Some of these scars do not get assessed or treated professionally. When scars of early trauma do not get healed then it is most likely that these wounds will rear it’s ugly head during the marriage.
In our Mediation and Family Counseling practice and in our Book “ Conscious Coupling: Positive insights for Long Lasing Relationships Shared by two divorce mediators, we know that these scars have caused not only divorce but bitter divorce. That reactionary defenses flare up and complicate the legal action of divorce as well as upset the family bond to a point of no return or recovery. These flags that were never seriously addressed are the wounds that have led couples to parent alienation, homicide, suicide, outrageous expenses in court do do inability to see the other side and more horrific scenarios. So when your partner shares with you sadness, and early childhood tragedy pay close attention and make certain that you find a professional to talk with together to make sure these wounds never get triggered and projected on to a marriage that doesn’t deserve it.
Please Contact us for a FREE consultation to discuss how you can get through those red flags that keep coming up.