Have you found that you make a lot of sacrifices for your partner’s happiness, but not getting much in return? You tend to consider what your partner needs over your needs? Is your marriage a codependent relationship?
Co dependence is a pattern of behavior that you look for approval and acceptance by your partner for your self worth. By trying to please the other is not only an indicator that your are committed to the relationship which is wonderful, in many ways but also an indicator to being committed out of fear of losing them. This fear is unhealthy.
All emotions stem from two. One is LOVE and the other is FEAR. If you are in a state of worry, anxiety, fear of being alone, etc then you are drenched in the relationship based on FEAR. If you love your partner but maintain a boundary of “ I am just as important as this person and this relationship is an extension of me separate from me then you are in a much more healthy situation. By being more independent and not co-dependent the idea of the relationship is about making good decisions and enjoying the companionship without the pressure of the future.
If you tend to second guess your decision on if your wants and needs disappoint your partner and therefore you decide to please him or her first then there is an unbalance in your relationship. Not to say that couples need to compromise to be able to maintain the balance and fairness in the relationship but often times one is more the giver and the other is the taker.
If this is the case in your relationship or you observed this in another relationship then it’s important to take a look at why this is the case and seek help in restoring your self -worth and build your self esteem separate from your partner.
As anyone ever said to you, your “clingy”, “needy”, “you follow me around like a puppy dog”? If being single, alone or in between relationships makes you anxious, then uh-oh. Building your self-esteem and finding self-fulfillment on your own, will develop your person hood to be whole and THAT’s what you take into your relationship, and that’s what’s most satisfying for you both. If losing your partner because they complain about not getting what they want isn’t the worse thing to happen. However, you do need to assess how much the give and how much the take is between the both of you to truly determine if this is a equitable partnership.
Please Contact us for a FREE consultation to discuss possible codependency in your relationship and how to overcome it.
Dana and Don, are co-founders of The Mediation and Family Counseling Group. We can be reached at www.mediationandcounseling.com, firstname.lastname@example.org or 1-888-281-2725
Read the book Conscious Coupling to help you achieve the marriage you have always wanted to have but can’t understand why you have not been able to reach it.