In Marriage There Should Be No Boss

In Marriage, there should be no bossWhen  one of you is passive the other will dominate. The idea of a healthy relationship is to maintain the relationship with an equal dynamic.  There should be no boss Balance is important. Just because one of you is, or tries to be more flexible may not be the best dynamic for a long lasting relationship.
One partner tends to run the business while the other follows. This will eventually build up and crash. If your partner is passive and seems to go with too much of your leadership and direction, you need to ask them to participate before it goes on for too long. If you are the more dominant one, and feel you need to be in control, you will only resent your partner later, and kick yourself for enabling their passivity. Often times, I hear “ well, I have to take care of the household finance, or arrange the vacation, or enroll the kids in school etc, BECAUSE I’m the only one who knows how”  You didn’t marry an idiot, We are sure. So don’t turn them into one. Say “honey, this may not be your forte, but I trust that you can handle this.”  Then kiss them on the forehead, and say thank you, (DON’T kiss them on the forehead!) he or she is your EQUAL partner and truth be told, you know you prefer it that way.
There are strengths and weaknesses in all of us. Some stick to what we know, but trying tasks that aren’t our area of expertise will cause us to grow. One the 6 basic needs we as, humans all have is  a need for personal growth. Since children challenge us n so many ways we can’t help but stretch, keep on stretching and take on new areas of growth when it comes to domestic tasks. Looking for the right camp program, or art class, or social gathering was always left to one parent, but what if you both researched together and discussed the pros and cons of each and then came to agreement. And the one who seems to control the decisions needs to back off and try to allow the other parent’s input, each may come to a new perspective and there’s your daily growth.
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Dana and Don, are co-founders of The Mediation and Family Counseling Group.   We can be reached at, or 1-888-281-2725.

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Read about what Dana and Don say about relationships in their book, Conscious Coupling.


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