What Questions Should I ask My Boyfriend?

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When dating again after divorce, how do you know you have picked the right one this time and you start asking “what questions should i ask my boyfriend?”  The best relationships are those that have depth and intimacy. Intimacy means trust, vulnerability, openness. The way to get there is to be curious about your partner. Ask questions. There are no stupid questions. When we ask we may feel like we are prying but that is not what it is, it is curiosity.  Being curious about your new boyfriend should be looked at as a compliment. It’s all in the way you handle it. If you ask with an accusatory tone, he may take offense and be defensive. This is not the way you want to ask.  A question that may ease the tension when it comes to money values, is to ask your boyfriend, “ if $5000 dropped in your lap, just found money that you didn’t have to give back, what would you do.?”
More intimate questions like “what was one of  your worse days in your life, or when was one of the happiest times in your life?” These are open ended questions, that given the culture of your relationship can be answered fully or he may not be ready to fully disclose. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask him again once he becomes more comfortable in talking about person experiences.  It’s so beneficial to have a relationship that is open and topics of all sorts can be discussed and explored together. It makes a huge difference that at the beginning of the relationship the idea about talking and being open and digging into personal life experiences is on the agenda towards a healthy relationship. The key is to be non-judgmental, not critical, not mocking, nor competitive. If the best way to get your boyfriend to open up is to provide a safe environment for him to be able to share is thoughts and feelings.   Ask questions with a bit of humor, keep it light and set the tone of curiosity because you’re interested in getting to know HIM.

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Dana and Don, are co-founders of The Mediation and Family Counseling Group.   We can be reached at www.mediationandcounseling.com, info@mediationandcounseling.com or 1-888-281-2725.

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