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It is so uncomfortable to be in an unhappy marriage. Years of frustration, anger, bitter battles in front of the kids, Sleepless nights where your stomach and heart just ache. Bad relationships can go on for years especially when there are kids involved and financial restrictions and limitations to freedom. It is almost impossible to cope. Everybody begins to turn into something they never thought they would. An evil bitch, a psycho tyrant, a cheater, an enemy to what once was your best friend.
The deterioration of a marriage is like a cancer that grows. There’s some treatment like counseling, support, retreats, techniques but if these treatment options don’t work the cancer grows, contaminating everything in its way. The children feel sad seeing their parents so unhappy. The co-workers notice a drop in enthusiasm and performance. Your friends don’t necessarily want to hear the same gripes about your spouse each time you get together.
Finances may worsen as each spouse goes out and shops to feel better or takes the kids to two events when it use to be one as a family.
The whole structure, environment, social circle just avalanches to disaster, wiping out the positive memories and replacing them with grief. Desperation emerges, one withdraws into depression while the other may become aggressive. Emotions run wild, trying to find a solution, any solution to stop the agony. Then one day one spouse learns from a friend, or a lawyer or colleague that all you have to do is get the one spouse out of the house. The best and easiest way is to call the police during a fight, and claim he or she has threatened serious harm. Police offers call the Sheriff and ask the spouse to vacate. It’s usually the male, since the traditional position is that the mother needs to be home with the children. The father goes to work all day long anyway so he should leave and find a place. Except that this particular night the sheriff arrived and a order of protection was placed the husband has no place to go, he scramble to find a couch at a friend’s or returns to a parent.
Now the process begins, the victim and the aggressor have been identified and in the court system these labels stick. In mediation, we have empathy and maintain neutrality for a marriage that has come to its final destination but n mediation the healing begins, in the legal litigation system the real horror is only beginning.