When two hot heads get together fireworks go off every time the situation gets heated.
But being a hothead doesn’t make for the best relationships.
We at the Mediation and Family Counseling Group have had to put out fires in our office. However, we do not allow for one to scream at the other. There is no reason why anyone should scream into someone else’s face. We all accept that we get angry this is a human emotions but how we deliver it has its consequences if not handled maturely. First of all as humans, our auditory system goes into hyper alert and shuts down when someone is screaming at us. It is a way we protect ourselves from the threat of aggression. When someone is yelling we cannot hear them or process it. Immediately we go into defensive mode, making comments and yelling back to defend ourselves, NOT even listening or hearing what the other is saying. So what’s the point of yelling? The truth is that yelling and releasing rage only perpetuates more rage it never truly gets released. How disappointing is that?
Next time you and your partner are that angry and upset, the best thing to do is assess where your partner is coming from with his or her upset. Usually underneath the anger is hurt and sadness, confusion, or insecurity of some sort.
He or she may not be yelling at You per se, but yelling about the situation that either left them feeling hurt, alone, confused abandoned, rejected and so on. Instead of yelling turn to your partner and say…. “ I know you are upset we can talk about it”. If you don’t feel like talking about it then it is OK to talk about it later. Generally, the conversation should take place within 24 hours, when both parties have had a chance to process and think about it. How nice would it would to have a discussion then screaming at each other without any resolution but just left with the residue of venom and daggers in the heart?
Please Contact us for a FREE consultation to discuss how you can get more out of life and improve your debating skills with your spouse.
Dana and Don, are co-founders of The Mediation and Family Counseling Group. We can be reached at www.mediationandcounseling.com, firstname.lastname@example.org or 1-888-281-2725
Read the book Conscious Coupling to help you achieve the marriage you have always wanted to have but can’t understand why you have not been able to reach it.