Cheating Spouse: Should You Stay, Can You Stay?

Cheating spouse - Should you leave?If your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated we’d say “RUN”. Even if the relationship may not have been a full commitment, the idea that your partner felt the need to go and explore another intimate relationship or “hook up” may be a sign that he or she is not ready for the commitment. Or he or she feels that the commitment was not established and both of you are entitled to explore other relationships. This requires a conversation between the two of you for clarity.

However, when you made a commitment to marriage and you have a cheating spouse, then this is an entirely different scenario. For one, if the infidelity occurs early in the marriage chances are the marriage may have been premature. If the infidelity occurred after 10 years, children, household family struggles, then the problem is he or she is not getting an essential need met.

If the infidelity is a “smoke alarm” to the relationship then the cheating or “ regrettable incident” (Gottman) can be recovered and the couple can heal and even become closer and a obtain deeper more meaningful relationship than before the infidelity. Of course this takes work. Usually the knee jerk reaction . “I’m done with you, you cheated on me and you have betrayed my trust!” Yes this is extremely serious to have happened between the two people. And building back the trust is the priority.
But finding our why the betrayal occurred is essential. Knowing how this can happen can prevent it from happening again. It’s best to seek professional counseling in order for the discussion to remain on topic, respectful, and certain questions are not permitted while others are. A professional is aware of how to structure the goal setting and get to a place of recovery and healing. Although we don’t recommend cheating to get you to a better place in your relationship but we do recommend a deeper understanding of what is missing in the union of the marriage and how can we get back on a healthy track before the acting out of Infidelity happens.

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Dana and Don, are co-founders of The Mediation and Family Counseling Group.   We can be reached at, or 1-888-281-2725.

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