Money Values In Marriage: Are You A Saver And Your Spouse A Spender

money valuesIn our book Conscious Coupling Chapter 11 talks about Money values in couple hood. Since every couple has come from his or her family and values money is usually one that seems to be a conflict when it comes to the way money is valued.

One may feel that living for today makes a whole lot more sense than saving it and wishing you had spent and enjoyed yourself when you could have. One may feel that living on the edge and not having a nest egg can put you in a very vulnerable position. These fears and and freedoms come from a belief that stems from the past. Either your family had no money and now you are a saver or maybe your family had no money but they got by and had a good time and so what if everything is put on a credit card, somehow it will all work out. Or you came from a lot of money and money was never an issue and therefore money was there no matter what the circumstances.

There is also the philosophy around money in that one has champagne taste on a beer budget and puts the family at risk just because he or she feels the need to have quality and or expensive material things or vacations, clothes, camps and programs for the kids. There is no shame is managing a budget that is realistic. If it means making a few sacrifices to either save for something everyone wants or sacrificing the luxuries to have money in the bank. In the chapter on money we make a point that money should never be a taboo topic. Unfortunately for many couples this can be the cause for an argument. The expectations of the other partner may not coincide with and therefore the pressure to make changes gets everyone in an uproar.

We suggest that both of you sit down and look over the finances on a regular monthly basis. Don’t shy away from knowing what is in the bank account and what the monthly expenses are. If a discussion needs to be set to explain the budget or a meeting needs to be set to make sound financial decisions it should be done despite the anxiety. The more both of you are aware of the household finances the stronger the relationship will be. It may include tears and fears but getting though to other side will provide both of you with the security of money management that will benefit you both in the long run.

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Dana and Don, are co-founders of The Mediation and Family Counseling Group.   We can be reached at, or 1-888-281-2725.

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Read about what Dana and Don say about money values in their book, Conscious Coupling.


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